The Epitomes of Vanity: Intro (Part 1)

NOTE: The Epitomes of Vanity is a 3 part blog series. This is my attempt of an artistic and poetic version of something that was a huge part of my life and how it affected my psyche. This blog series is not intended to disrespect anyone. If anybody does feel upset by what I have to say, I apologize. This series may come across as dramatic, but I want to use this platform to express the intensity of how I felt and continue to feel. Hopefully, this series resonates with you. Much love :)

I don't know where to begin. What am I talking about? What or who are The Epitomes of Vanity? What is this about? So many questions, so many answers, so many discoveries.....I don't know where to begin. 

The Epitomes of Vanity were a huge part of my upbringing, my childhood, better yet.....my adolescence. I often feel they have such a magnetic energy pull that propels one who feels like a pariah to a state of long term confusion, insecurity, and devastation. I feel that's the soul-crushing power of The Epitomes of Vanity. It makes me feel sad. 

When did The Epitomes of Vanity come into my life? A long time ago, my loves. A long time ago, they made way into this complex entity called my life. Their stamp was first rooted when my family and I would attend events that were supposedly the epicenter of my culture..... in a land where we were a minority. 

And damn, was their stamp something else?! It was unlike anything I had ever experienced so far. I already felt left out in school and many social events, but that feeling of isolation reached a whole other level that I never saw coming. These people were in this country for a longer amount of time than my family was and also seemed to strongly embody western culture in a way I never saw my people embody it. I was not prepared for the level of bougie-ness that I was about to witness. At that time, it was out of this world. From what I saw, they were fast talking, bold, show-offy, stylish, unattainable, aspirational, had great presence, and glorified the massive force that was mainstream Indian and western pop culture.

The men of The Epitomes of Vanity seemed to be loud, wild, snarky, crass, and the lives of the party. I thought the women were massive show-offs who were conceited and harbored a high standard of beauty and presentation that my mother and I would never be able to live up to. They seemed to be expressive only among their chosen ones.......the people who fed their ego and made them look like crystallized socialites......

But the people who really did it for me was the youth. Yes, the youth....the future, the new hope for 

The Epitomes of Vanity, the highly-praised, highly-accomplished princes and princesses who these crystallized socialites, both the men and women, adore. These were young kids in a land where they were minorities, just like myself. You would think that I would have a lot of commonalities with them, but that could not have been further from the truth. It was the first time I saw older girls of my culture embody mainstream western culture at such a high level. In my opinion, they had a harsh, fast-talking, yet authoritative tone (something I felt I lacked). They had numbers of friends, massive presences, and influence. They were adored by the adults. Younger youth either wanted to be with them or be them. They were these unattainable, fancy, diamond encrusted, crystallized princesses, and anyone would've been blessed to be acknowledged by them, especially me. 

There was also this one boy who's my age who seemed to thrive in such an environment. The younger kids were drawn to him and saw him as their lord and savior. I thought he embodied a very cocky, superficial, hyper-masculine vibe (at age 10).

Embarrassment and insecurity washed over me like cold air on a winter day. My body would freeze when I would see him. Ten year old me was fascinated and thought, "Who was THAT?!" Also, looking back now, I realized I had a crush on him (initially), and then all I felt when I saw him was fear. Through him, I got a taste of the aura The Epitomes of Vanity had to offer. 

Part 2 Coming Soon, Stay Tuned :)