Does the Telugu movie Fidaa promote colorist ideals? (Part 1: Sai Pallavi)
NOTE: THIS BLOG POST IS NOT INTENDED TO DISRESPECT THE MAKERS OF FIDAA, ITS CAST MEMBERS, OR FANS. THIS IS JUST SOMETHING THAT I HAVE NOTICED AND HAS BEEN IN MY HEART EVER SINCE I HEARD ABOUT THIS MOVIE AND THE LEAD ACTRESS. I AM IN NO AWAY AN EXPERT ON THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY OR THE TELUGU FILM INDUSTRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY THE PROCESS TOWARDS MAKING FILMS IS LIKE. THIS BLOG POST IS SOMETHING I HAVE WRITTEN AS AN AUDIENCE MEMBER AND HOW I PROCESSED THE FILM. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS BLOG POST AS PROFESSIONAL COMMENTARY, BECAUSE AGAIN I AM NO PROFESSIONAL. I JUST HOPE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS BLOG POST CAN RESONATE WITH WHAT I SAY OR AT LEAST UNDERSTAND WHERE I AM COMING FROM. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I HAD COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY OR ANYTHING I HAVE MISSED, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. PEACEFUL AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS MUCH APPRECIATED. MUCH LOVE <3
No, seriously. I mean it. This needs to be talked about. I mean I know I'm a year late, but let's talk about it.
Before we get into this, let me give a little background on what this blog post is about because many people may be wondering, "What is Fidaa? I have never heard of this movie before."
Well, Fidaa, not to be mistaken for the 2018 Bengali film of the same title or the 2004 Hindi movie Fida, is a 2017 Indian Telugu-language romantic film written and directed by Sekhar Kammula.
This guy right here:
Fidaa tells the story of two people with contrasting upbringings who fall for each other. The boy is an NRI(non-resident Indian) from Texas and the girl is a Indian Telangana village resident. They meet when the boy's brother arrives at the girl's village to marry her sister. Through their interactions and chemistry, the boy and the girl fall for each other. The boy is a calm, cool, soft-spoken individual, while the girl is a strong, outspoken person who does not settle for less than what she deserves. And that's the thing I wanted to mention. One of the main reasons that Fidaa became so massive in the Telugu market was because of the main female character who is again strong, outspoken, and doesn't settle for shit. It's a refreshing change from the cliche, typical, damsel in distress, submissive village princess that needs some egoistic, over-confident, misogynistic, alpha-male to save her from all of her troubles, which is a narrative that has been over-used in Telugu cinema for years, bitch.
It's so cool to see a movie that promotes girl power in the way that it does, and I am so happy for that. But as much of a feminist movie this is, there is one thing about it that I cannot help but notice, but most of the Telugu audience seems to overlook. Firstly, I think we can all agree from those that watched Fidaa, the biggest star to come out of this movie is Ms. Sai Pallavi Senthamarai a.k.a Sai Pallavi.
This queen right here:
It's definitely a defining moment in Sai Pallavi's career as her fan base is growing like anything. She is winning awards left to right. Sai Pallavi is literally one of the new it girls in the South Indian film industries. The Telugu audience absolutely loves her. Like, she's queen. I'm not gonna lie.
But again, as much of a feminist film this movie is, the one thing I found interesting was the fact that the makers of this movie casted Sai Pallavi to play a Telangana village girl. The thing is that Sai Pallavi is not even of Telugu heritage. Her mother tongue is Badaga, a southern Dravidian language spoken in Tamil Nadu, and she is paler than most Telugu women. In fact, she has lighter skin than most Indians. Most Telugu people I know do not look like her. Hell, I look nothing like her and I am a girl of Telangana heritage and my mother tongue is Telugu. So that got me thinking, does Fidaa promote colorist and white-washed ideals?
My answer:
Bitch, I don't know.
Oh god, I got to think about this. First, I have to be honest and speak from my heart. I cannot sugarcoat things to make people comfortable. Second, at the same time, I cannot disrespect the makers of the movie or the cast, and this is in no way a diss against Sai Pallavi. Well, what's my answer? Ok, here goes:
Regardless of whether or not the makers of Fidaa intended to promote colorist ideals, the propagation and popularity of the movie, in particular Sai Pallavi, and how people have praised it is a huge reflection of how contemporary Telugu society views feminism, beauty, and freedom of expression. Basically, and I am SO sorry to say this, but Fidaa does promote colorist ideals, whether it be intentional or unintentional.
There really is no explicit evidence that this movie is trying to promote a white standard of beauty. There is no scene in the movie that explicitly mentions comparison in skin color. Nobody in the film is saying, "Light skin is better than dark skin, so dark skinned ladies can go fuck themselves." There is nothing that blatant and outright in this film. Had there been something like that, this movie probably would not have been a big success. At least, I would like to think that.
But I think the whole promotion of colorist ideals is something that has been declared implicitly. Does that make sense? I had no idea how to word that, but yeah, how this movie's popularity plays into colorism is more implicit in my opinion.
"How?", you may ask.
Well, the makers of this movie decided to cast a non-Telugu South Indian girl to play a Telugu character. Casting non-Telugu women for leading female roles in Telugu movies is something that happens way too often in the Telugu film industry, which brings up the issue of the Lack of Telugu Female Representation. This is a topic that I have written about before.
Here is a link to the related blog post:
https://immaculate-radiance.blogspot.com/2018/06/lack-of-telugu-female-representation-in.html
So how does this issue play into colorism? OK, so Telugu people who watch Telugu films and are aware of what the industry is like know that Tollywood has a huge obsession with fair skin and mainstream white culture. The collective Telugu population has a huge obsession with fair skin and mainstream white culture, while most Telugu women are not fair. But saying that the reason why the Telugu film industry has hardly any A-list Telugu actress is only because most Telugu women are not fair is not enough. Other regional film industries in India have actresses of their language, so what makes Telugu so different?
Well, we also have to keep in mind the facial features of a Telugu woman as well, which is another part of colorism. Telugu women in general, while there are some who are exceptions, deviate so much from the Eurocentric standard of beauty that our features are not seen as "desirable" or "worth aspiring for" even by our own Telugu people.
Yeah..........so sad but so true.
Also, with the way we have been conditioned to carry ourselves, we are not seen as interesting people that can tell awesome stories. We, as Telugu women, are not seen as people with a huge presence. Since North India is seen as closer to whiteness, therefore more modern, the girls over there are seen as hotter, sexier, more modern because they prescribe closer to whiteness both in appearance and culture. Keep in mind, there are North Indian girls that are exceptions to this stereotype. South Indian people, on the other hand, excluding Telugu people, are seen as more exotic in the eyes of Telugu people. The women over in South India, excluding Telugu women, are seen as closer to the Telugu culture, BUT they represent a fantasy version of what the Telugu people want a Telugu girl to be like. Since they can't find that in their own women, the Telugu film industry wants to bring in actresses from those parts of South India in order to create that fantasy. Whether this is her intention or not, in the eyes of Telugu people:
The things that came to my mind are:
1) Fidaa is supposed to be a feminist film.
2) The film is in Telugu so its main target audience is Telugu people (of course people of other languages can watch it as well).
3) The character Sai Pallavi plays is a Telangana village girl who is strong, outspoken, and doesn't settle for shit. Therefore, the character shows young girls and women that they are free to express themselves in their truest forms.
4) So with my second and third point combined, Sai Pallavi's character is aimed towards young Telugu women and girls.
Therefore, how is this character supposed to be a representation of strength for young Telugu women and girls when the actress that plays this character is not even Telugu herself nor does she look like most Telugu women and girls? How does that work?
Yeah, I got nothing.
OK, so where do I go from here?
The girl that plays this character is not even Telugu herself, yet this movie became a big hit. Not saying that's good or bad, it just is. Remember earlier in this post, when I said "....the propagation and popularity of the movie, in particular Sai Pallavi, and how people have praised it is a huge reflection of how contemporary Telugu society views feminism, beauty, and freedom of expression. "? "Well, how so?", you may ask.
My fear is that this movie has or will leave an impression only girls that look like Sai Pallavi can be outspoken, express themselves however they choose, and fight for what they believe in. So many Telugu women come from very conservative backgrounds where they are not encouraged to express themselves in their truest forms, they are expected to follow a very narrow and restricted path, and they are expected to put others before themselves and COMPLETELY disregard themselves, how they feel, and think. I know it sounds like I'm belittling my own culture, but that is not my intention. My intention is to bring up a very REAL problem that so many Telugu women face but our Telugu people rarely ever bring to light. I know because I have seen this in my own family, and it breaks my heart. Unfortunately, contemporary Telugu families often run as if family members are seen as parts of a system, not as individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. And this system is often the hardest on women.
The Telugu film industry has feed off this insecurity for years and drove it even further. "How?", you may ask. Well, by having lighter skinned non-Telugu women play lead roles in Telugu films, of course.
Only they get to be glamorous.
Only they get to live a life of privilege.
Only they can be as expressive as they want to be.
Only they can be seen as beautiful.
Meanwhile, I'm over here with emotions that range from:
And perhaps the worst part of all of this is that NO ONE questions this. No one raises a hand and points out this issue. Why? Well, we are conditioned to not question the system and to take it for what it is. Basically, settle. I think I would be discouraged from talking about this, fearing being told by people that it is not important and asked why I care so much and why am I wasting our time.We are usually discouraged from talking about issues like this because the people who run this fucked up system don't want anybody jeopardizing what they have created and still continue to perpetuate.
Well, bitch, fuck that!
I honestly wished people started questioning why Telugu women are not in lead roles in Telugu movies, why we are being erased from our own narratives, and why we are considered invisible. I mean there are few people that are questioning this and have addressed this, but I honestly think there needs to be a massive outcry for representation like how it is in the west. While most of the people that have questioned these casting decisions are people from India, I also think this movement can greatly benefit from the contributions of Telugu NRI, especially youth. Many Telugu NRI youth, including me, have been blessed to live a life of privilege, residing in areas where we are allowed to question things and express our feelings and concerns. We have grown up in more progressive environments, and I feel we can bring so much to the table. We are living in environments where representation is more a topic. The demand for representation is so huge here in the west, and we can also bring over that demand to the Telugu film industry. (Also, it's very ignorant of me to think all NRIs are from the west. It's just that I know a lot of Telugu NRIs live in the west.)
Anyway, I feel like I'm going off on a massive tangent and need to get back to the topic of this post, Fidaa and Sai Pallavi.
I do love that Sai Pallavi is a hella talented actress and she does break beauty norms. She has facial features that are considered atypical for a movie star. She seems to be very minimalist when it comes to makeup and fashion. She rocks her acne like it's no one's business. I also think that she has a great face for artsy editorial photo-shoots. We love an unconventional beauty queen that looks like she could be the girl next door, or your cousin, or your family friend, or just anybody you would see when you are out and about.
With that being said I do have to emphasize again that Sai Pallavi is the fantasy version of what Telugu people want a Telugu girl to look like. She is literally every South Indian auntie's dream come true.
1. She has fair skin.
2. She is very slim.
3. She dances to Indian songs really well.
4. She wears sarees and Indian attire like it's no one's business.
5. She has an innocent face.
6. She looks like she could be the next door neighbor. -----> therefore her fame feels more personal to us, especially me.
Why does Sai Pallavi's popularity feel so personal to me? Why the heck am I writing this blog post in the first place?
Sai Pallavi is one of us (Telugu people) in terms of the fact that she is a brown woman and that she is South Indian. I will recognize and honor that. But with Sai Pallavi being a fantasy version of what Telugu people want a good Telugu girl to be, I don't think her persona (which has been manufactured by the media and the society we come from) and beauty necessarily internally resonates with Telugu women in a way that inspires them to accept who they are as they are. I feel her persona and beauty intimidate them instead.
When I was younger, I've seen girls in real life propagated in the way Sai Pallavi gets propagated, especially when I went to India. They were seen as these perfect little fairy queens that could do no wrong and be no wrong. Like Sai Pallavi, they were fairer and slimmer and seemed to possess all of the qualities a good Telugu girl should have. The problem was I was not that. Let me describe how I was as a young girl, especially when I was in situations like these:
1. Curvier than most of the girls in my family
2. Darker skinned
3. Was not as cultured as these perfect fairy queens
4. Hella reserved and introverted (still am)
5. Felt emotions deeper
6. Susceptible to people's negative feedback because I was such an anomaly in my extended family.
7. Was not as energetically protected as non-sensitive people
8. Very insecure about my body and how I looked
9. Felt like an elephant in the room especially by other female family members
10. Felt horrible and alone for all of the negative emotions and things I went through
Part of the reason why I am writing this blog post does stem from personal, childhood pain of me feeling like shit compared to these girls. I fucking knew in my core that these girls were treated better than I was because they fit into a narrow, fucked up societal norm and I didn't. Seeing Sai Pallavi being praised in the way that those girls were praised at the expense of making other girls insecure triggered that pain. This time this praise is on a more massive scale. This type of praise can be very detrimental to a young Telugu girl's self esteem, especially one that looks nothing like Sai Pallavi, does not have a similar body shape, does not have fair skin, and is not as "cultured" as Sai Pallavi seems to be seen as.
First of all, none of this madness is Sai Pallavi's fault. She is unfortunately in a system that is extremely sick and deeply rooted in patriarchy. This patriarchy is so twisted that it has taken a fucked up turn by making Telugu women practically invisible from their own cinematic narratives. It sucks and in 2018, something desperately needs to be done about it.
Why does something desperately need to be done about it?
Why must there be discussion on it?
Is it that important of an issue?
If there is discussion in this issue, wouldn't that be discrimination against non-Telugu women?
These are all questions that could be raised by those who don't feel this is an issue. But as a Telugu woman, I am saying that it is not just the surface level of not seeing Telugu female faces in film, but also what it symbolizes.
It symbolizes that:
No, seriously. I mean it. This needs to be talked about. I mean I know I'm a year late, but let's talk about it.
Before we get into this, let me give a little background on what this blog post is about because many people may be wondering, "What is Fidaa? I have never heard of this movie before."
Well, Fidaa, not to be mistaken for the 2018 Bengali film of the same title or the 2004 Hindi movie Fida, is a 2017 Indian Telugu-language romantic film written and directed by Sekhar Kammula.
This guy right here:
Fidaa tells the story of two people with contrasting upbringings who fall for each other. The boy is an NRI(non-resident Indian) from Texas and the girl is a Indian Telangana village resident. They meet when the boy's brother arrives at the girl's village to marry her sister. Through their interactions and chemistry, the boy and the girl fall for each other. The boy is a calm, cool, soft-spoken individual, while the girl is a strong, outspoken person who does not settle for less than what she deserves. And that's the thing I wanted to mention. One of the main reasons that Fidaa became so massive in the Telugu market was because of the main female character who is again strong, outspoken, and doesn't settle for shit. It's a refreshing change from the cliche, typical, damsel in distress, submissive village princess that needs some egoistic, over-confident, misogynistic, alpha-male to save her from all of her troubles, which is a narrative that has been over-used in Telugu cinema for years, bitch.
It's so cool to see a movie that promotes girl power in the way that it does, and I am so happy for that. But as much of a feminist movie this is, there is one thing about it that I cannot help but notice, but most of the Telugu audience seems to overlook. Firstly, I think we can all agree from those that watched Fidaa, the biggest star to come out of this movie is Ms. Sai Pallavi Senthamarai a.k.a Sai Pallavi.
This queen right here:
It's definitely a defining moment in Sai Pallavi's career as her fan base is growing like anything. She is winning awards left to right. Sai Pallavi is literally one of the new it girls in the South Indian film industries. The Telugu audience absolutely loves her. Like, she's queen. I'm not gonna lie.
But again, as much of a feminist film this movie is, the one thing I found interesting was the fact that the makers of this movie casted Sai Pallavi to play a Telangana village girl. The thing is that Sai Pallavi is not even of Telugu heritage. Her mother tongue is Badaga, a southern Dravidian language spoken in Tamil Nadu, and she is paler than most Telugu women. In fact, she has lighter skin than most Indians. Most Telugu people I know do not look like her. Hell, I look nothing like her and I am a girl of Telangana heritage and my mother tongue is Telugu. So that got me thinking, does Fidaa promote colorist and white-washed ideals?
My answer:
Bitch, I don't know.
Oh god, I got to think about this. First, I have to be honest and speak from my heart. I cannot sugarcoat things to make people comfortable. Second, at the same time, I cannot disrespect the makers of the movie or the cast, and this is in no way a diss against Sai Pallavi. Well, what's my answer? Ok, here goes:
Regardless of whether or not the makers of Fidaa intended to promote colorist ideals, the propagation and popularity of the movie, in particular Sai Pallavi, and how people have praised it is a huge reflection of how contemporary Telugu society views feminism, beauty, and freedom of expression. Basically, and I am SO sorry to say this, but Fidaa does promote colorist ideals, whether it be intentional or unintentional.
There really is no explicit evidence that this movie is trying to promote a white standard of beauty. There is no scene in the movie that explicitly mentions comparison in skin color. Nobody in the film is saying, "Light skin is better than dark skin, so dark skinned ladies can go fuck themselves." There is nothing that blatant and outright in this film. Had there been something like that, this movie probably would not have been a big success. At least, I would like to think that.
But I think the whole promotion of colorist ideals is something that has been declared implicitly. Does that make sense? I had no idea how to word that, but yeah, how this movie's popularity plays into colorism is more implicit in my opinion.
"How?", you may ask.
Well, the makers of this movie decided to cast a non-Telugu South Indian girl to play a Telugu character. Casting non-Telugu women for leading female roles in Telugu movies is something that happens way too often in the Telugu film industry, which brings up the issue of the Lack of Telugu Female Representation. This is a topic that I have written about before.
Here is a link to the related blog post:
https://immaculate-radiance.blogspot.com/2018/06/lack-of-telugu-female-representation-in.html
So how does this issue play into colorism? OK, so Telugu people who watch Telugu films and are aware of what the industry is like know that Tollywood has a huge obsession with fair skin and mainstream white culture. The collective Telugu population has a huge obsession with fair skin and mainstream white culture, while most Telugu women are not fair. But saying that the reason why the Telugu film industry has hardly any A-list Telugu actress is only because most Telugu women are not fair is not enough. Other regional film industries in India have actresses of their language, so what makes Telugu so different?
Well, we also have to keep in mind the facial features of a Telugu woman as well, which is another part of colorism. Telugu women in general, while there are some who are exceptions, deviate so much from the Eurocentric standard of beauty that our features are not seen as "desirable" or "worth aspiring for" even by our own Telugu people.
Yeah..........so sad but so true.
Also, with the way we have been conditioned to carry ourselves, we are not seen as interesting people that can tell awesome stories. We, as Telugu women, are not seen as people with a huge presence. Since North India is seen as closer to whiteness, therefore more modern, the girls over there are seen as hotter, sexier, more modern because they prescribe closer to whiteness both in appearance and culture. Keep in mind, there are North Indian girls that are exceptions to this stereotype. South Indian people, on the other hand, excluding Telugu people, are seen as more exotic in the eyes of Telugu people. The women over in South India, excluding Telugu women, are seen as closer to the Telugu culture, BUT they represent a fantasy version of what the Telugu people want a Telugu girl to be like. Since they can't find that in their own women, the Telugu film industry wants to bring in actresses from those parts of South India in order to create that fantasy. Whether this is her intention or not, in the eyes of Telugu people:
Sai Pallavi is that fantasy.
The things that came to my mind are:
1) Fidaa is supposed to be a feminist film.
2) The film is in Telugu so its main target audience is Telugu people (of course people of other languages can watch it as well).
3) The character Sai Pallavi plays is a Telangana village girl who is strong, outspoken, and doesn't settle for shit. Therefore, the character shows young girls and women that they are free to express themselves in their truest forms.
4) So with my second and third point combined, Sai Pallavi's character is aimed towards young Telugu women and girls.
Therefore, how is this character supposed to be a representation of strength for young Telugu women and girls when the actress that plays this character is not even Telugu herself nor does she look like most Telugu women and girls? How does that work?
Yeah, I got nothing.
OK, so where do I go from here?
The girl that plays this character is not even Telugu herself, yet this movie became a big hit. Not saying that's good or bad, it just is. Remember earlier in this post, when I said "....the propagation and popularity of the movie, in particular Sai Pallavi, and how people have praised it is a huge reflection of how contemporary Telugu society views feminism, beauty, and freedom of expression. "? "Well, how so?", you may ask.
My fear is that this movie has or will leave an impression only girls that look like Sai Pallavi can be outspoken, express themselves however they choose, and fight for what they believe in. So many Telugu women come from very conservative backgrounds where they are not encouraged to express themselves in their truest forms, they are expected to follow a very narrow and restricted path, and they are expected to put others before themselves and COMPLETELY disregard themselves, how they feel, and think. I know it sounds like I'm belittling my own culture, but that is not my intention. My intention is to bring up a very REAL problem that so many Telugu women face but our Telugu people rarely ever bring to light. I know because I have seen this in my own family, and it breaks my heart. Unfortunately, contemporary Telugu families often run as if family members are seen as parts of a system, not as individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. And this system is often the hardest on women.
The Telugu film industry has feed off this insecurity for years and drove it even further. "How?", you may ask. Well, by having lighter skinned non-Telugu women play lead roles in Telugu films, of course.
Only they get to be glamorous.
Only they get to live a life of privilege.
Only they can be as expressive as they want to be.
Only they can be seen as beautiful.
Meanwhile, I'm over here with emotions that range from:
To:
And perhaps the worst part of all of this is that NO ONE questions this. No one raises a hand and points out this issue. Why? Well, we are conditioned to not question the system and to take it for what it is. Basically, settle. I think I would be discouraged from talking about this, fearing being told by people that it is not important and asked why I care so much and why am I wasting our time.We are usually discouraged from talking about issues like this because the people who run this fucked up system don't want anybody jeopardizing what they have created and still continue to perpetuate.
Well, bitch, fuck that!
I honestly wished people started questioning why Telugu women are not in lead roles in Telugu movies, why we are being erased from our own narratives, and why we are considered invisible. I mean there are few people that are questioning this and have addressed this, but I honestly think there needs to be a massive outcry for representation like how it is in the west. While most of the people that have questioned these casting decisions are people from India, I also think this movement can greatly benefit from the contributions of Telugu NRI, especially youth. Many Telugu NRI youth, including me, have been blessed to live a life of privilege, residing in areas where we are allowed to question things and express our feelings and concerns. We have grown up in more progressive environments, and I feel we can bring so much to the table. We are living in environments where representation is more a topic. The demand for representation is so huge here in the west, and we can also bring over that demand to the Telugu film industry. (Also, it's very ignorant of me to think all NRIs are from the west. It's just that I know a lot of Telugu NRIs live in the west.)
Anyway, I feel like I'm going off on a massive tangent and need to get back to the topic of this post, Fidaa and Sai Pallavi.
I do love that Sai Pallavi is a hella talented actress and she does break beauty norms. She has facial features that are considered atypical for a movie star. She seems to be very minimalist when it comes to makeup and fashion. She rocks her acne like it's no one's business. I also think that she has a great face for artsy editorial photo-shoots. We love an unconventional beauty queen that looks like she could be the girl next door, or your cousin, or your family friend, or just anybody you would see when you are out and about.
With that being said I do have to emphasize again that Sai Pallavi is the fantasy version of what Telugu people want a Telugu girl to look like. She is literally every South Indian auntie's dream come true.
1. She has fair skin.
2. She is very slim.
3. She dances to Indian songs really well.
4. She wears sarees and Indian attire like it's no one's business.
5. She has an innocent face.
6. She looks like she could be the next door neighbor. -----> therefore her fame feels more personal to us, especially me.
Why does Sai Pallavi's popularity feel so personal to me? Why the heck am I writing this blog post in the first place?
Sai Pallavi is one of us (Telugu people) in terms of the fact that she is a brown woman and that she is South Indian. I will recognize and honor that. But with Sai Pallavi being a fantasy version of what Telugu people want a good Telugu girl to be, I don't think her persona (which has been manufactured by the media and the society we come from) and beauty necessarily internally resonates with Telugu women in a way that inspires them to accept who they are as they are. I feel her persona and beauty intimidate them instead.
When I was younger, I've seen girls in real life propagated in the way Sai Pallavi gets propagated, especially when I went to India. They were seen as these perfect little fairy queens that could do no wrong and be no wrong. Like Sai Pallavi, they were fairer and slimmer and seemed to possess all of the qualities a good Telugu girl should have. The problem was I was not that. Let me describe how I was as a young girl, especially when I was in situations like these:
1. Curvier than most of the girls in my family
2. Darker skinned
3. Was not as cultured as these perfect fairy queens
4. Hella reserved and introverted (still am)
5. Felt emotions deeper
6. Susceptible to people's negative feedback because I was such an anomaly in my extended family.
7. Was not as energetically protected as non-sensitive people
8. Very insecure about my body and how I looked
9. Felt like an elephant in the room especially by other female family members
10. Felt horrible and alone for all of the negative emotions and things I went through
Part of the reason why I am writing this blog post does stem from personal, childhood pain of me feeling like shit compared to these girls. I fucking knew in my core that these girls were treated better than I was because they fit into a narrow, fucked up societal norm and I didn't. Seeing Sai Pallavi being praised in the way that those girls were praised at the expense of making other girls insecure triggered that pain. This time this praise is on a more massive scale. This type of praise can be very detrimental to a young Telugu girl's self esteem, especially one that looks nothing like Sai Pallavi, does not have a similar body shape, does not have fair skin, and is not as "cultured" as Sai Pallavi seems to be seen as.
First of all, none of this madness is Sai Pallavi's fault. She is unfortunately in a system that is extremely sick and deeply rooted in patriarchy. This patriarchy is so twisted that it has taken a fucked up turn by making Telugu women practically invisible from their own cinematic narratives. It sucks and in 2018, something desperately needs to be done about it.
Why does something desperately need to be done about it?
Why must there be discussion on it?
Is it that important of an issue?
If there is discussion in this issue, wouldn't that be discrimination against non-Telugu women?
These are all questions that could be raised by those who don't feel this is an issue. But as a Telugu woman, I am saying that it is not just the surface level of not seeing Telugu female faces in film, but also what it symbolizes.
It symbolizes that:
- Telugu women are so ugly and uninteresting that they can't even star in their own films.
- Telugu women have to know their place in society, and being in a position of power and presence is NOT it.
- Why? Because, it is a disgrace to the Telugu culture.
- Telugu girls have to be told and shown on a regular basis that they are not good enough in whatever way, shape, and form.
- Why? Because, that is what will keep the patriarchy alive.
- If the patriarchy is alive, society won't be rattled, particularly the male ego.
- If a Telugu woman rattles the male ego, she is in deep trouble and she is to blame.
WHAT THE FUCK?! How sad is that in this day and age this thought process is still very alive and well in Telugu culture?
And when we do get a feminist film like Fidaa, there is an understanding that Telugu women and girls should not be fully inspired by the main female lead because the actress that plays her is not Telugu. It's as if non-Telugu girls can take on this confidence, but not Telugu girls.
They can only be inspired to a certain extent. Society and parents(obviously, not all parents) would tell them, "You've had your fun and time to vicariously live through this character throughout the duration of this movie, but guess what? You look nothing like her. She's way prettier than you. She is the Telugu people's fantasy girl, the ideal cultured queen. She is the fantasy you will never be. So go back to where you belong, naive bitch." The idea of a woman having freedom of expression is great.......as long as she is not Telugu, right? I don't know. Am I being over-dramatic? All this stuff I'm saying sounds really intense, so much so that I feel I'm the one that's blowing things out of proportion, but I feel these emotions so strongly and it's so obvious that something is off.
How would the situation be had the female lead been a Telugu girl, especially a darker skinned Telugu girl and the movie still became a huge hit? Telugu girls would be very inspired, but I'm not entirely sure how parents and older generations would react. But why would these young women and girls feel so inspired?
This reminds me of a Tyra Banks Show episode,that aired 10 years ago, on skin bleaching among the African American community, particularly African American women. The host, Tyra Banks, talks to the African American women on the panel who have confessed to bleaching their skin. She tells the audience that they are victims of our society. Ms. Banks takes on a more honest and firm tone when she then says that light skinned women are put on a pedestal over darker skinned women. She further explains that darker skinned black women need images of themselves in the media to tell them they are beautiful and worthy and that these women are fighting a battle almost on their own. She concludes by saying it is very difficult to tell yourself you are beautiful when the world is saying you are not.
I feel it's the same case for Telugu women, particularly darker skinned Telugu women. The reason a lot of Telugu women and girls carry a low self esteem and feel ashamed of how they look and who they are is because they are victims of Telugu society. Telugu people, the media, and the film industry put lighter skinned non-Telugu women on a pedestal over Telugu women, especially over those that are darker skinned. Telugu women and girls need images of themselves in the media to tell them they are beautiful and worthy. That's not just in the film industry. It can be in sports, science, journalism, fashion, you name it. It's very difficult for Telugu women to tell themselves they are beautiful when society is telling them that they are not and suggesting that they are invisible. They, too, are fighting a battle almost on their own with very little discussion on this topic. I hope to change that in whatever small way I can.
Let me explain , at least, how I would feel had the main female lead in Fidaa been a darker skinned Telugu woman. This is how I would internally feel:
No seriously, that would be so amazing. I would feel a sigh of relief that darker skinned girls are finally being represented. It would be about time. I would have my guard down and have some sort of hope that my people, collectively, are finally seeing the worth and beauty in our women. It would be so amazing for so many Telugu girls that don't feel represented in powerful institutions of influence, like the film industry. I feel a lot of them would feel that there is finally someone that looks similar to them and that doesn't make them feel bad about themselves. It would also be really different and a new thing to witness, since we are so used to seeing one type of actress that becomes an A-lister. I would be so speechless and feel so emotional. It would mean a lot.
My hope is that the lack of Telugu women in the Telugu film industry will become a huge topic of in-depth and professional discussion. I hope it comes to a point where we CANNOT avoid the subject anymore. We need to get down to the root of the issue and what we can do about it. As of now, what can we do about it?
1) Well for starters, we can acknowledge that this is an issue and that it's actually really bizarre. No, it really is. I spoke to a friend of mine who is North Indian. When I told her about this issue and how it bothered me so much, even she found this issue to be bizarre AF. She was also upset that the Telugu Film Industry doesn't even want to represent their own women. Given this film industry is so fucking obsessed with lighter skinned North Indian girls, it's really ironic that someone like my friend, who is a lighter skinned North Indian girl herself, finds it so weird that there are no Telugu A-list actresses. Kinda makes you realize this industry needs to wake the fuck up.
2) Perhaps you can express your concerns on social media and/or write a blog post, which is what I am doing. You can also make a video on it and post it online. Basically, use the vast technology that we have today to your advantage. You can reach a lot more people that way.
3) DEMAND FOR BETTER REPRESENTATION!! Social media can be a powerful tool to achieve that. With the shift of more progressive films doing well in Tollywood, the advent of the #MeToo movement in India and LGBTQ+ rights in India, now is the time to raise this discussion. Now is the time to demand for better representation. I sound really preachy and cheesy, but it's true. When else are we going to start talking about this?
4) If you want, you can create art celebrating the beauty, power, and grace of Telugu women. Make a short film on it. IDK, just be creative.
You can see from the length of this post how passionate I am about this issue, because it hits home. I grew up with this madness. I grew up seeing fairer skinned non-Telugu women be put on a pedestal while Telugu women were for the large part ignored. The guy gets to look like one of us. In fact, it's preferred if he does, but the girl always has to be this unattainable standard of beauty. Whenever we see a popular Telugu actor, guys get to have their moment of "Oh my god, that's my boy. He's one of us. #ProudtobeTelugu", but girls rarely get to have that same moment. Hello?! Patriarchy!!!!
That's it!! Listen up, ladies and gentlemen:
Telugu girls from the lightest skin tones to the darkest skin tones are beautiful.
Telugu girls no matter if they are straight, bi-sexual, gay, asexual, etc are beautiful.
Telugu girls no matter their body shape or height are beautiful.
Telugu girls who have ambition and that don't want to follow a conventional career because it doesn't speak to them are beautiful.
Telugu girls who refuse to abide to societal conditioning and patriarchal norms are indeed ......... SO ............ FUCKING .......... BEAUTIFUL!!!!
They can only be inspired to a certain extent. Society and parents(obviously, not all parents) would tell them, "You've had your fun and time to vicariously live through this character throughout the duration of this movie, but guess what? You look nothing like her. She's way prettier than you. She is the Telugu people's fantasy girl, the ideal cultured queen. She is the fantasy you will never be. So go back to where you belong, naive bitch." The idea of a woman having freedom of expression is great.......as long as she is not Telugu, right? I don't know. Am I being over-dramatic? All this stuff I'm saying sounds really intense, so much so that I feel I'm the one that's blowing things out of proportion, but I feel these emotions so strongly and it's so obvious that something is off.
How would the situation be had the female lead been a Telugu girl, especially a darker skinned Telugu girl and the movie still became a huge hit? Telugu girls would be very inspired, but I'm not entirely sure how parents and older generations would react. But why would these young women and girls feel so inspired?
This reminds me of a Tyra Banks Show episode,that aired 10 years ago, on skin bleaching among the African American community, particularly African American women. The host, Tyra Banks, talks to the African American women on the panel who have confessed to bleaching their skin. She tells the audience that they are victims of our society. Ms. Banks takes on a more honest and firm tone when she then says that light skinned women are put on a pedestal over darker skinned women. She further explains that darker skinned black women need images of themselves in the media to tell them they are beautiful and worthy and that these women are fighting a battle almost on their own. She concludes by saying it is very difficult to tell yourself you are beautiful when the world is saying you are not.
I feel it's the same case for Telugu women, particularly darker skinned Telugu women. The reason a lot of Telugu women and girls carry a low self esteem and feel ashamed of how they look and who they are is because they are victims of Telugu society. Telugu people, the media, and the film industry put lighter skinned non-Telugu women on a pedestal over Telugu women, especially over those that are darker skinned. Telugu women and girls need images of themselves in the media to tell them they are beautiful and worthy. That's not just in the film industry. It can be in sports, science, journalism, fashion, you name it. It's very difficult for Telugu women to tell themselves they are beautiful when society is telling them that they are not and suggesting that they are invisible. They, too, are fighting a battle almost on their own with very little discussion on this topic. I hope to change that in whatever small way I can.
Let me explain , at least, how I would feel had the main female lead in Fidaa been a darker skinned Telugu woman. This is how I would internally feel:
No seriously, that would be so amazing. I would feel a sigh of relief that darker skinned girls are finally being represented. It would be about time. I would have my guard down and have some sort of hope that my people, collectively, are finally seeing the worth and beauty in our women. It would be so amazing for so many Telugu girls that don't feel represented in powerful institutions of influence, like the film industry. I feel a lot of them would feel that there is finally someone that looks similar to them and that doesn't make them feel bad about themselves. It would also be really different and a new thing to witness, since we are so used to seeing one type of actress that becomes an A-lister. I would be so speechless and feel so emotional. It would mean a lot.
My hope is that the lack of Telugu women in the Telugu film industry will become a huge topic of in-depth and professional discussion. I hope it comes to a point where we CANNOT avoid the subject anymore. We need to get down to the root of the issue and what we can do about it. As of now, what can we do about it?
1) Well for starters, we can acknowledge that this is an issue and that it's actually really bizarre. No, it really is. I spoke to a friend of mine who is North Indian. When I told her about this issue and how it bothered me so much, even she found this issue to be bizarre AF. She was also upset that the Telugu Film Industry doesn't even want to represent their own women. Given this film industry is so fucking obsessed with lighter skinned North Indian girls, it's really ironic that someone like my friend, who is a lighter skinned North Indian girl herself, finds it so weird that there are no Telugu A-list actresses. Kinda makes you realize this industry needs to wake the fuck up.
2) Perhaps you can express your concerns on social media and/or write a blog post, which is what I am doing. You can also make a video on it and post it online. Basically, use the vast technology that we have today to your advantage. You can reach a lot more people that way.
3) DEMAND FOR BETTER REPRESENTATION!! Social media can be a powerful tool to achieve that. With the shift of more progressive films doing well in Tollywood, the advent of the #MeToo movement in India and LGBTQ+ rights in India, now is the time to raise this discussion. Now is the time to demand for better representation. I sound really preachy and cheesy, but it's true. When else are we going to start talking about this?
4) If you want, you can create art celebrating the beauty, power, and grace of Telugu women. Make a short film on it. IDK, just be creative.
You can see from the length of this post how passionate I am about this issue, because it hits home. I grew up with this madness. I grew up seeing fairer skinned non-Telugu women be put on a pedestal while Telugu women were for the large part ignored. The guy gets to look like one of us. In fact, it's preferred if he does, but the girl always has to be this unattainable standard of beauty. Whenever we see a popular Telugu actor, guys get to have their moment of "Oh my god, that's my boy. He's one of us. #ProudtobeTelugu", but girls rarely get to have that same moment. Hello?! Patriarchy!!!!
That's it!! Listen up, ladies and gentlemen:
Telugu girls from the lightest skin tones to the darkest skin tones are beautiful.
Telugu girls no matter if they are straight, bi-sexual, gay, asexual, etc are beautiful.
Telugu girls no matter their body shape or height are beautiful.
Telugu girls who have ambition and that don't want to follow a conventional career because it doesn't speak to them are beautiful.
Telugu girls who refuse to abide to societal conditioning and patriarchal norms are indeed ......... SO ............ FUCKING .......... BEAUTIFUL!!!!
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